


Daisy

by aurawinterrain



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, If You Squint - Freeform, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, Kuroo Tetsurou Being an Asshole, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Mess, M/M, Mentioned Yachi Hitoka, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Minor Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Moving On, Or trying to, POV Kuroo Tetsurou, POV Tsukishima Kei, Post-Break Up, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Tsukishima Kei is a Mess, Unrequited Love, please love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27383020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurawinterrain/pseuds/aurawinterrain
Summary: The white petals of a daisy, it drives me crazy.Like a fool, I loved you to death...-Tsukishima loves Kuroo. He would move a mountain for him, heck, he would give up all chances of a better school overseas, just to move to Tokyo with him. Because they were dating, after all. But Kuroo doesn't love Tsukishima. Or at least that's what he thought when they broke up.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 13
Kudos: 114
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry I hope this makes sense... I might make a part 2?

_ “X university in Tokyo? With your current grades you could be aiming for a scholarship overseas…” Takeda said softly, but made no further comment. “Unless you have something that you want in Tokyo?” A knowing smile was shot in his direction, but Tsukishima didn’t even react, maintaining that same stoic expression.  _

_ “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Takeda-sensei. If that is all, I should start setting up for practice.” he gave a short curt bow to the teacher, then disappeared into the locker rooms.  _

Looking back, he really should have just went for the scholarships. 

The sun was setting, coating everything with a pretty pink hue. Tsukishima stared at the scenery below them, trying to stall time before the inevitable was going to happen. 

“Tsukki,” He flinched, wondering how in the world did he turn out to be this weak.  _ Pathetic,  _ his brain helpfully supplied, as he slowly turned to look at the older male standing opposite him. “I’m really sor-”

“Don’t apologise, you knew what you were doing.” His tone was harsh, but it sounded like all bark and no bite, seeing how tears were already blurring his vision. 

“I just didn’t know how to respond, when you said you liked me, I just-”

“You could have, I don’t know, said that you didn’t feel the same way? Then, we wouldn’t be stuck in this mess. It’s been two years, Kuroo. Two freaking years, before you go ahead and tell me you’ve  _ never loved me? _ How am I supposed to react?” 

Suddenly, the fact that the both of them were trapped up in the small cabin made him feel suffocated. He reached out and grabbed the only thing that he ever accepted in their relationship - the stupid moon and cat necklace that Kuroo gave him for their first anniversary. Yanking it off his neck, he threw it at Kuroo, feeling slightly satisfied when the sharp edges of the moon pendent scraped the male’s cheek, leaving a small scar behind. 

“Kei-Tsukki, please. I never wanted to hurt you.” The blonde scoffed, turning around to look at the scenery again. The fact that everything just looked so beautiful while he felt like he was slowly being eaten up on the inside sickened him. 

“You never wanted to hurt me? Cut the crap,  _ Kuroo-san _ . You knew what you were doing right from the start. You thought it was funny? Playing around with my feelings? Have me spend 4 hours travelling to and fro from Miyagi just to see you, have me throw away all the scholarship offers just to go to a university in Tokyo with you?” 

There was silence after his rant, and he glanced back to see a pained expression on Kuroo’s face. Some part of him was glad that he was able to hurt him, even the slightest bit, even if it was incomparable to how much Kuroo had ruined him. At least his words were still his best weapon, lashing out and hurting anyone who dared to hurt him. Another look outside the cabin told him that their ride was soon coming to an end, so he walked towards the exit, ready to bolt once they stopped. Right before the doors opened, he faced Kuroo one last time. 

“I hate you, Kuroo Tetsurou.” He spat out, watching as Kuroo physically recoiled. Kuroo had seen Tsukishima mad before, had heard him lash out to others before, but he had never heard so much fury in the blonde’s voice, not in the years that they knew each other. Yet, despite how angry he sounded, tears were already starting to fall. 

“Tsukki…” He reached out in a futile attempt to grab the taller blonde, but he was too late. Tsukishima stepped off the cabin, and vanished into the crowd, leaving Kuroo behind. 

-

By the time Tsukishima actually got home, it was nearing midnight. Glad that he had opted to room alone, he slowly lowered himself down onto the couch, waiting for the reality of the situation to catch up to him. Ever since Kuroo had said those awful words - “I never loved you,” - he felt like time had stopped. Sure, he yelled at kuroo, he left the carnival, he took the bus home, he climbed the stairs all the way up to his dorm room, but nothing seemed  _ real _ . It was almost as though someone had took control over his body and he was just going through the actions but he wasn’t really processing them. The real Tsukishima Kei, is still stuck back there, on the cabin with Kuroo. 

He must have eventually fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, the annoying ringtone of his alarm was waking him up. His neck and back were stiff from sleeping on the couch, but that hardly bothered him. What  _ did _ bother him was how hollow his chest felt. It was almost as though he left his heart back there too, in the cabin. Even the thought of putting something in his system made him feel sick, so he just threw on an old hoodie - was that his, or was it Kuroo’s? - grabbed his bag, and left the apartment. 

Going to lectures weren’t hard. He wasn’t in the same department as Kuroo, so there was close to zero chances that he would be meeting Kuroo there. He still payed attention to his classes, took notes, answered questions if he felt like it. It was almost like nothing had changed. But at the same time, it felt like everything had. He used to make small detours to the other side of the campus where Kuroo’s lessons were held, so that they could spent their free periods together. Heck, he even found himself walking there when lunch rolled around, only to do a complete 180 when he rounded the corner to Kuroo’s lecture theatre. 

Perhaps the only person that picked up on his slight change in attitude was Yamaguchi. The shorter male wasn’t in Tokyo, he had opted to stay in Miyagi to pursue his further education. Still, they made a pact to call each other at least once a week to catch up. When the day of their call finally rolled by, Tsukishima dropped the news. 

“Kuroo broke up with me.” He said, once Yamaguchi connected. 

“He what? Why?”

“Because he never loved me.”    
“Tsukki...What an ass! You know what? I’m going to take the train over to Tokyo right now, to -”

“No, don’t. I’m fine, Yamaguchi. We all knew this was going to happen.” 

Silence.

He wasn’t wrong - it  _ was _ something that he had anticipated. When he first confessed to Kuroo, he did it with rejection at the back of his mind. He wasn’t just book smart - he was observant as well, and that made him ridiculously good at reading people. He knew the way Kuroo looked at Kenma, it was the exact same way he looked at Kuroo, when he thought no one was looking. 

Still, he felt like his small crush needed a form of closure, and decided to confess. When he did, he looked straight at Kuroo’s face, watching the array of emotions splay across the latter’s face. Shock, confusion,  _ dismay- _ and then… 

“I like you too, Tsukki!”

“No, like the, I want to push you against the wall and kiss you, type of like.” He clarified, wondering if Kuroo was actually as dense as Bokuto. 

“I know! I’m saying that I feel the same.” 

_ Bullshit.  _

He should have called it out, right there and then, but the fleeting thought of Kuroo actually returning his feelings flashed across his mind. That filled his body with so much ecstasy that he almost missed the pain in Kuroo’s eyes. Almost. But before he knew it, he was being pulled into a tight hug, and suddenly they were boyfriends. 

It was only a few weeks later when he realised why Kuroo had been so eager to accept his confession. The five first years were having lunch together when Hinata blurted out that he was dating Kenma. Tsukishima stiffened, putting down his bento. 

“The setter from Nekoma?” he felt like it was hard to breathe all of a sudden, but if anyone noticed how his voice was suddenly a pitch higher than normal, no one commented on it. 

“Yeah! Kenma said he told everyone on his team already, so I felt like I should let you guys know.” 

Oh.  _ Oh.  _ So that was why Kuroo accepted him. He had half a mind to break up with the stupid rooster hair captain, but for some reason, he didn’t.  _ Well, if he is just using me to get over his crush, we would break up sooner or later,  _ he figured. It wouldn’t be so bad, since he knew he would never have a chance in the first place. 

But then the weeks flew by, they got closer, and then suddenly he was moving to Tokyo for university. And they were still together. Perhaps it was foolish of Tsukishima to forget about the fact that Kuroo had only accepted him to get over Kenma, but after two whole years? He was starting to think that Kuroo might have actually fallen in love with him. Maybe that was why this hurt so much more than it should have.

“We all knew it was going to happen anyway.” Tsukishima reiterated, even when Yamaguchi made a grunt of disapproval. 

“He was _ playing with your feelings,  _ Tsukki. That’s not okay!” 

“Whatever. How’s things in Miyagi? Have you finally confessed to Yachi yet?”

“This isn’t about me! I can’t believe Kuroo-san would do something like that.”

“Drop it, Yams. Let’s just pretend these last two years never happened.” There was silence on the other end, and he thought that his flippant attitude had finally pissed his best friend off. Then, a soft sigh could be heard. 

“I understand. But if you need somebody… I’m here, okay?” 

-

After the phone call, Tsukishima thought that he could finally start moving on with his life. He had to, if he didn’t, his grades would eventually suffer. So, he poured all his attention into university, attending all the extra classes even if he didn’t need to. He chose to study at the cafe, since the dorm only reminded him of late night cuddles with Kuroo. Right when he thought that he was finally gaining some progress, since he could finally eat something without feeling like he was going to toss it back up… He saw Kuroo again.

It was a rainy Saturday, and he was trying to finish his coursework at the cafe. The bell jingled, and he glanced up to miss those honey-golden orbs that he  ~~ missed so goddamn much  ~~ hated with a passion. Kuroo seemed to have spotted him too, since he was frozen right there at the entrance. Lowering his gaze, the blonde took a small sip from the sweet latte, but it tasted bitter as it slide down his throat. Of course, they were still attending the same university. They were bound to run into each other again, sooner or later. 

“Tsukki.”

“Fancy meeting you here.” He swallowed the lump in his throat, watching as Kuroo causally pulled out a seat for himself. He wanted to run, the pain in his chest had come back tenfold. The wound that Kuroo had created was still too fresh, it was too early to be having a casual conversation.

“How have you been doing?”    
“Why do you even care? Look, if you feel guilty for breaking me, then  _ good. _ But don’t come here and pretend to be the nice guy. I don’t need your pity, not anymore.”    
“That’s… not it. Akaashi said you were overworking yourself, and I just don’t want you to ruin yourself because of me.”    
  
“Because of you? Don’t flatter yourself, Kuroo-san. I’m just trying to ace University, that’s all. I’m not burning myself out.”   
“I understand. But please, don’t ruin yourself because I’m not the one for you. You’ll find someone who will love you, someone who will cherish you-”   
Without thinking, Tsukishima grabbed his drink and threw it in Kuroo’s face.    
“Don’t you dare come back into my life and spout nonsense like that.  _ You broke me, Kuroo. You knew what you were doing ever since you accepted my confession, you strung me along like a puppet, when you should have just told me that my love was unrequited in the first place.  _ **_You did this to me, Kuroo._ ** _ No amount of ‘concern’ you show me can ever make up for what you did. _ ”    
  
With that, he left. 

It felt satisfying to get some form of petty revenge on Kuroo, but when Tsukishima tucked himself into bed, he finally felt like he was facing the reality of the situation. It was over, everything was finally over, Kuroo left, and… 

  
_ Kuroo never loved him, from the very start.  _


	2. I lost him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kuroo reveals why he did what he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you begin reading this - I know some (if not the majority) of the readers hated Kuroo for what he did. Which is why I wanted to make a part two - no, not to torture Kuroo. To explain things from his point of view. Getting rejected sucks, being on the receiving end of a breakup sucks. But the person who does the rejection and the person that initiates the breakup - they must be hurting too. Please don't hate on Kuroo in this chapter. I'm thinking of making a part three, maybe it'll end in a happy ending, maybe not. Or this can be an ending too. Let me know what you think :)
> 
> P.S. I think this isn't my usual writing style, but I had the sudden motivation and after two hours at my computer this is what I came up with. Hopefully, someone out there enjoys this.

“You did what? Why?” Kuroo winced at the shrill voice over the phone. He let out a long sigh, slumping down on a bench.    
“I-I broke up with him because he deserves someone who can love him wholeheartedly, Kenma.” He sounded exhausted, even over the phone. It almost made the blonde’s heart melt, until he remembered that Kuroo literally broke Tsukishima’s heart like it was nobody’s business.    
“It was an asshole move, you know? You dated him for two years just to lie through your teeth and say that you never loved him? Do you know how much that would hurt to be on the receiving end?”   
  


“I-What else was I supposed to do? We know why I ended up dating him in the first place,” Kuroo shut his eyes, leaning back. He had confessed to the blonde, after practice. He said that it felt weird if he didn’t give himself some form of closure before he moved on to college, and it was okay if Kenma didn’t like him back. Of course, some tiny part of his heart still uselessly held on to the hope that Kenma would look at him the same way. However, his years of observing the shorter male haven’t gone to waste - he noticed how the latter would perk up whenever Karasuno’s middle blocker was being brought into the conversation.    
  
His thoughts were confirmed during the second training camp when the freak duo from Karasuno arrived late because they were apparently not as good at their studies compared to volleyball. Throughout the first half of the day, Kenma was off his game, slipping up when he really shouldn’t be. Yet once the gym doors burst open and Hinata bounded in, Kuroo could tell that the very presence of “Shouyou” made Kenma energised again. But how could he blame him? Hinata  _ was _ the living embodiment of a sun, after all.    
  
So, he swallowed down all his doubts and confessed, already expecting rejection. And he did. Kenma looked awkward at first, avoiding all eye contact but refusing to speak. Then, very softly, he glanced up and mumbled a soft apology.    
“I’m sorry, but Shouyou and I are dating.” 

“Does he make you happy, Ken?” The old nickname slipped out, but Kenma didn’t seem to mind. Instead, he smiled softly and nodded his head.    
“Very.”    
“Then, I’m happy as well.”    
  
He lied. After his confession, things between the both of them were weird, to say the least. Kenma basically tried to avoid any one-on-one interactions with the captain, though that was basically impossible given that they were childhood friends and neighbours. Eventually, the only way that Kuroo could think of to diffuse the tension that had formed between them, was to date someone else. If he could convince Kenma that he was truly over him, perhaps they would be back to normal again. So when Tsukishima pulled him aside at nationals, admitting that he had fallen for the crafty cat, Kuroo saw it as his chance to mend his relationship with Kenma. And perhaps he could truly move on from his crush. 

A sigh on the receiving end of the phone jolted Kuroo back to the present.    
“I shouldn’t have done what I did. It was cruel of me to play with his feelings. Maybe I felt pity as well - I know firsthand just how heartbreaking it is to be rejected. Still, perhaps rejecting him would have hurt less than this.”   
“Of course it would have! He would have felt that his past two years with you were all for nothing! But tell me honestly, Kuroo. Did you really not love Tsukishima? At all?”    
  
It was Kuroo’s turn to sigh. He knew that somewhere along the way, he had let go of the puppy love he harboured for his childhood friend. Along the way, he had grown affectionate of the tiny ways Tsukishima tried to show his love. Along the way, he had forgotten why they started the relationship in the first place, forgotten about his hidden motive and just simply allowed himself to be loved. He swallowed, a tear falling from his eye was he realised what he had done.    
  


“I love him so much, Ken. But that’s also why I have to let him go. If he’s with someone as fickle minded as me, who knows when I’ll start falling in love with someone else? I don’t want to have to break his heart then - I would rather cut it off now. We didn’t start it on the right foot either, this relationship was bound to be broken.” Without waiting for Kenma to reply, Kuroo ended the call, then turned off his phone. He was bound to receive thousands of phone calls that night. From Bokuto, who had already grown fond of the middle blocker, from Akaashi, who sometimes acted like Tsukishima’s mom, from Yamaguchi, who would definitely be rushing over from Miyagi to kick his ass. He would face the consequences of his actions tomorrow. But for tonight, Kuroo just wanted to be alone.

Morning came faster than he would have liked. As expected, his small circle of friends were chastising him once he turned on his cell. He half expected them to cut off all contact with him and side Tsukishima in this, but they didn’t.    
“You were an asshole, but you’re still my friend, Kuroo. I still think you’re dumb though. If you love him, why didn’t you just talk it out? Why did you have to break up with him?”   
“Because I’m not good for him, Bo. I’m not a good guy.”    
“Don’t use this against me, but I don’t think that you’re a bad guy. Sure, you made some mistakes. Maybe at first you were just using him. But I think he was smart enough to figure that out, Kuroo. When you started to fall in love with him, you must have given him hope that this would have actually worked out. To snatch that away…” Bokuto didn’t need to finish the sentence. It was an asshole move. He knew it was.    
“Tsukki- Kei… He deserves someone better than me.” Kuroo replied firmly, hanging up despite Bokuto’s protests.    
  
He even called Yamaguchi, but the male didn’t seem interested in speaking with someone who broke his best friend’s heart. Eventually, Kuroo found enough strength to drag his body back to classes, even though he had already missed the first half of his lectures. When lunch rolled by, he almost made the detour to the special place where he had his meal with the blonde. Instead, he forced himself to buy a small snack from the vending machine, eating just enough so that he wouldn’t pass out for the rest of the day. It was obvious the very second that he was back in his empty dorm that he had made a terrible mistake. As he shut his eyes and willed himself to dreamland, there was only one thought in his mind.

_ I miss him.  _

The following weeks were torture. He lost all interest in anything, and was feeling fatigued all the damn time. To make matters worse, his appetite had disappeared along with his ability to appreciate any form of humour. Akaashi still gives him updates on Tsukishima, since they were in the same department. While it physically pains Kuroo to hear about the blonde, he doesn’t stop Akaashi but instead prompts the male to tell him more.    
“Is he overworking himself?”   
“He’s taking on extra credits even though he doesn’t need them. He’s going to burn out one day.”    
“You didn’t talk to him?” 

“We aren’t close… besides after the whole… situation, I don’t think he would want to speak with me.” The former setter was careful with his words, knowing how fragile Kuroo’s mental health was at that moment. Kuroo could only sigh, and moved on to talk about other topics. After the phone call, he put on a thin jacket, deciding that he should try and get some studying done.    
  
There was a small cafe near their campus, so he decided that perhaps he could get some work done there, since the dorm was too big and too silent. He had long become accustomed to Tsukishima moving about in his dorm room, always sitting beside him when they both tried to finish their coursework. Their study sessions almost always turned into cuddle sessions. Maybe that was why studying by himself made him feel lonelier than before. He pulled the door to the cafe open, scanning the place for a vacant seat.  _   
  
_

_ Bad idea.  _ His gaze landed right smack on the blonde that had taken a piece of his heart with him. Closing his eyes, he gathered up whatever little courage he had left before approaching Tsukishima, who was now desperately trying to avoid all eye contact.    
  
“Tsukki.” He greeted the blonde, pulling out a chair for himself. He needed to make sure that Tsukishima was ok, despite all the updates from Akaashi.    
“Fancy meeting you here.” He heard the tremble in his voice, but chose not to comment.    
“How have you been doing?” It was a genuine question, yet it seemed to be the wrong move.    
“ “Why do you even care? Look, if you feel guilty for breaking me, then good. But don’t come here and pretend to be the nice guy. I don’t need your pity, not anymore.” Kuroo was shocked- he never wanted Tsukishima to feel like he was pitying him the whole time. Though, saying that he actually did love him now would be too late, would it? 

“That’s… not it. Akaashi said you were overworking yourself, and I just don’t want you to ruin yourself because of me,” He tried to explain.    
  
He could no longer read the expression that the blonde was wearing. It was a mix of outrage and pain, and Kuroo felt his heart break all over again when he realised what he had done.    
  
“Because of you? Don’t flatter yourself, Kuroo-san. I’m just trying to ace University, that’s all. I’m not burning myself out.”

“I understand. But please, don’t ruin yourself because I’m not the one for you. You’ll find someone who will love you, someone who will cherish you-” Before he could complete his sentence, hot liquid was being thrown all over his face, and some of it dripped down onto his worksheets. 

“Don’t you dare come back into my life and spout nonsense like that. You broke me, Kuroo. You knew what you were doing ever since you accepted my confession, you strung me along like a puppet when you should have just told me that my love was unrequited in the first place.  **You did this to me, Kuroo.** No amount of ‘concern’ you show me can ever make up for what you did.”    
  
Then, he left.    
  
They had caused quite a scene, so everyone was staring at Kuroo when the door to the cafe finally clicked shut. It was a relief that the coffee wasn’t piping hot, it wasn't hot enough to burn his skin. Still, it made a big mess across the table and on the floor. Not caring that he still had coffee dripping down his chin, Kuroo quickly grabbed some tissues and mopped up the mess on the table and the floor, fishing out a few notes to leave as an apology. He grabbed his notes and ran out of the cafe, only to realise that in the few minutes he had stepped in, it had started pouring. Shielding his papers with whatever part of his coat that isn’t wet, he trudged towards the dorms.   
  


_ “You broke me, Kuroo.”  _ the emptiness that he had seen in Tsukishima’s eyes haunted him until it was time for him to go to bed. After several hours of tossing and turning about, he was still unable to forget the expression that the latter wore at the cafe. Seeing as sleep was going to evade him yet again, he chose to call the only person that appeared to be by his side at this point of time.    
  
“I fucked up, Kenma.” He mumbled once the line connected.   
“I think we established that, Kuroo.”    
“What do I do?” There was silence on the other end, and he thought that Kenma had finally given up on him when there was a small hum that indicated his presence.    
“Did you try talking to him?”   
“Tried today. Got coffee splashed in my face and my worksheets. Had to walk home in the rain, maybe I caught a fever, I don’t know. My coursework is all messed up now… I’m a mess, Kenma. I don’t know what to do. I wish I can take back what I said, but I know this is the best option for him. He doesn’t deserve to deal with a mess like me.”    
  


“Kuroo,” Kenma's tone was chiding now, almost like their roles had reversed. “I know you keep beating yourself up for what you’ve done, but there’s nothing you can change about that. All you can do now is try and make it up to him. Give him some time, then try talking to him again. Tsukishima isn’t unreasonable, but he’s hurting. That’s why he lashed out.”   
“How long do I have to give him?”   
“I don’t know? How long does one take to get over heartbreak?”   
  
The question hung in the air as Kuroo glanced up at the ceiling, which was littered with glow in the dark stars. They had pasted them together, when Kuroo first moved into the dorm. Tsukishima carefully arranged the stickers so they would line up to form some constellations of some sort, but Kuroo couldn’t remember what it was. All he remembered was glancing fondly at the blonde, gently tracing some sort of pattern on the back of his hand. Another tear escaped from his orbs, and he let out a long breath that he didn’t know he was holding.    
  
“I don’t think I’m ever getting over this one, Kenma.”   
  
  



	3. I'm yours, I always was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The talk finally happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I hate this, I might choose to alter this chapter later on but right now my head hurts and I should really be doing other (more important) things, like schoolwork. Hopefully someone likes this?...

After the conversation with Kenma, Kuroo decided that he should at least try and pull himself together - there was really no more time for him to mope about so late in the semester. So he attended all his lectures, holed himself up in his dorms just to finish up whatever remaining revision he had left. Tsukishima was doing the same, trying to use all the extra work that he had taken on to distract himself from thinking about Kuroo.    
  
It was only after they both submitted their final reports and completed their final paper, did they start to feel hollow and empty again. Kuroo had buried himself under the covers, sad lo-fi songs blaring into his ears as he tried to fall asleep. Right before he slipped into oblivion, his phone vibrated with a new message, jolting him awake. Groaning, Kuroo swiped the phone off the desk and glanced at the message.    
  
It was from Daichi, who had also decided to further his studies in Tokyo along with Sugawara.    
“Hey! It’s been a while since we’ve played volleyball, huh? The third years here with me are really missing the feeling of being on court, so we decided to borrow the gym from the volleyball club for this weekend. We won’t be able to have a full match, but with the number of ex Nekoma and Karasuno people here, we would at least be able to have a pretty good match. What do you say, ex-captain?” His heart dropped - Daichi probably didn’t even know about what was going on between him and Tsukishima.    
  
If he accepted, there would be a slight chance that he would be able to see the blonde again - but did he actually want that? It’s been months since the incident at the coffee shop, though he wasn’t entirely sure if Tsukishima could ever forgive him for what he did, for what he said. His fingers itched to hold a volleyball again, and though every single cell in his body was protesting against the decision, he quickly typed out a reply.    
  
“Cool. What time are we meeting? Also… who’s coming?”    
  


With that, he shut his phone off and flopped back down onto his bed, engulfed with memories of their previous training camps. Before that, he had harboured no feelings towards the blonde, though he did have a soft spot for him. Tsukishima was hard to get along with at first, and when their first meeting ended up in him pissing the younger middle blocker off, he thought he was done for. Yet, as time passed, he slowly learnt to see the different sides of Tsukishima Kei, and after they began dating, he was exposed to more of these sides, these sides that no one else would have the luxury of seeing.    
  
“You still love him, don’t you?” Kenma’s voice rang in his head, somewhat tauntingly. 

  
“Yeah, and what about it? I was an asshole and a coward… and I always will be.” 

-

The weekend came quicker than he would have liked. An hour before they were scheduled to meet, Kuroo was freaking out in his room. He had called Kenma out of habit, asking what he should do if he met Tsukishima there on court.    
  
“I don’t think I can play if he’s on the opposite side of the court, Kenma! He hates me!” 

“He hates you? Who told you that? From what I know… Shouyou told me that Tsukishima hasn’t really spoken to anyone after the breakup, except when Yamaguchi came over from Miyagi and threatened to kill you. He said Tsukishima didn’t allow Yamaguchi to see you at all, and they spent the weekend in tsukishima’s dorm. So no, I don’t think he hates you, if he did why wouldn’t he just let his best friend do what he wanted?”    
  
“Because he’s not the type of person to want petty revenge. Even if he hated my guts he wouldn’t have wanted Yamaguchi to get into trouble. He stopped Yamaguchi for his own sake, not mine.” There was silence on the other end of the phone, until Kenma let out a soft sigh of his own.    
“Worrying about this is no use anyway. You’re still going to turn up, I know that.”

“How? I might chicken out last minute. Daichi didn’t say who exactly would turn out but there’s a slight possibility-”   
  
_ “Because you’re Kuroo Tetsurou, and the Kuroo I know is still in love with Tsukishima Kei.”  _

Kenma was right. Even when Kuroo arrived, seeing a familiar tuff of blonde hair hovering near his senpais, he didn’t run away. He greeted the other players who had decided to turn up. There was Yaku, Kai, Kenma, Bokuto, Akaashi and Konoha on their side of the court, along with Daichi, Sugawara, Nishinoya, Tanaka, Kageyama, Hinata… and  _ him _ on the other side. 

“Seems like you were able to round up enough players for a full match.” Kuroo noted, as Daichi stepped forward to greet him.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting these many people to turn up. It feels good though, feels like we’re back in high school again.” 

With that, their unofficial match began. Although it’s been a while since most of them had been on court, once the ball was up in the air, it was almost as though their body was on autopilot, bending down to receive the ball in almost perfect form. Kuroo has had enough practice with Akaashi and Bokuto to be used to their way of playing - except that they were missing their last third gym counterpart. So, it wasn’t a surprise when their scores came relatively close, with a gap of one point. Finally, it seemed like Nekoma was going to get a break when Hinata flubbed his serve, sending it straight into their court. 

Akaashi made eye contact with the tall middle blocker, before sending the ball flying in his direction and Kuroo raised his arm back, ready to smack it down. Right then, Tsukishima lept up from the opposite side of the court, determination swimming about in his eyes even as Kuroo slapped the ball down with all of his might. Perhaps, he would have blocked the ball completely, if Kageyama had not leapt up along with him and bumped into his hip, causing him to fly sideways. The spike smashed through their poor block, hitting the ground with a resounding thud. 

But it wasn’t the only thing that landed on the floor harshly.

Tsukishima was knocked off course, and with Kuroo right on the opposite side of the net, it fazed him so much that he was unable to regain his balance before he landed. His leg had twisted outward, causing a flaring pain to shoot up from his ankle. 

“Kei!” Kuroo had taken note of the awkward landing, and was by his side in a second, match forgotten. 

“I’m fine, it’s just- a muscle strain,” Tsukishima tried to push Kuroo away, but his injured ankle could barely hold his own weight. 

“I think you sprained your ankle,” Kuroo mumbled, slowly guiding them to the benches before lowering him down. By now, Suga had run out to grab some ice and Daichi found a little stool that could prop up Tsukishima’s foot. 

Ignoring the stares of the other members, Kuroo removed Tsukishima’s shoes and sock gently, assessing the state of his ankle. 

“Let’s just elevate your ankle first, then we’ll ice it for 15 minutes. You landed pretty hard, so maybe you’ll have to see a doctor?” Tsukishima bit his bottom lip as Kuroo gently moved his ankle about to test his range of motion. 

“It’s not bad enough for me to see a doctor yet,” He replied, momentarily forgetting that he was supposed to be mad at Kuroo. 

“Kuroo-san! How do you know so much about ankle sprains?” Hinata popped up beside the blonde, startling the duo slightly. A nervous laugh slipped past Kuroo’s lips - he couldn’t possibly say that he had taken care of Tsukishima went the blonde had sprained his ankle on a trip together before, so he was well acquainted with what to do after the sprain, and what they can do to reduce the swelling, as well as what exercises should be done to strengthen the ankle after it has healed. 

“Well, ankle sprains are a common injury in volleyball. As an ex captain I would have had to familiarise myself with these injuries and what to do,” Tsukishima interrupted his excuse with a snort, remembering when he had sprained his ankle and how much Kuroo had freaked out, yelling that he had absolutely no idea what to do in such situations. 

Before anyone else could say anything, Suga burst back into the gym, an ice pack in his hands. After the ice pack was strapped around Tsukishima’s ankle, Kuroo volunteered to help Tsukishima back to his dorms, despite the latter’s protests. 

“Well then, you guys can continue on without me, I’ll keep you updated on his progress later on.” With that, Kuroo and Tsukishima began to slowly make their way back to the dorms.

“You didn’t have to do this,” The blonde muttered, already regretting his decision to come to the meet up. No, scratch that. Once he saw Kuroo there, he should have already left. Before the match, Yamaguchi had told him countless times over the phone that he should just go if he felt uncomfortable at any point of time. Ever since Kuroo strolled into the gym, he was on edge, not used to being so close to Kuroo but yet feel like there was a large chasm between the both of them. 

“Well, I am the only one there that’s tall enough to carry you, so unless you wanted to hobble back to the dorms and risk further injury, I think it was best that I carried you back.” 

There was silence for a bit, until Tsukishima finally spoke.

“Was that the only reason why you volunteered to carry me back?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” Kuroo admitted, stopping in his tracks. “I wanted to see how you were doing after… everything. The last time I tried to do that… well. My professor didn’t mind my papers smelling like coffee, so that’s fine.”

“Is there really anything else to talk about? I thought I made it pretty clear the last time we met. I don’t want your pity anymore, Kuroo.”

“Well I never said that I pitied you, Tsukishima.” 

The use of his full name shocked the blonde into silence, and they continued back towards the dorm. Once Tsukishima was comfortably settled down on the couch, his injured ankle propped up on a chair, Kuroo removed the ice pack. 

“Should I stay here for a bit? Or do you have anyone else you can call to make sure you don’t trip and accidentally injure yourself?”

“... Stay. Stay and we can talk. However long you want to. It’s not like I can throw coffee in your face and run away again. Let’s just get this sorted so I can finally move on.” 

Kuroo quietly settled down beside him, before asking softly. “Do you want to move on, though?”

“I-” However much Tsukishima wanted to say that he did, he knew that he would be lying. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t want to run back into Kuroo’s arms and go back to the way they were. He would be lying if he said that he wanted to move on with his life. The past few months spent crying over Kuroo were hell, but the thought of actually falling in love with someone new made him feel somewhat sick. So he told the truth. 

“No.”

“Well, neither do I. You’ll probably yell at me and hit me if I said that the last few months have been so goddamn hard for me, since it must have been a thousand times worse for you. I was a coward and a dick since I felt that you deserve someone better than me. Someone who doesn’t take advantage of you like what I did at the start of our relationship. You would be so much happier-”

“Who are you to decide what makes me happy or not? I… I was really happy with you. To be honest, I knew that you liked Kenma. When I confessed, I wasn’t expecting anything. But you accepted my confession and I knew that you were probably just using me. Of course I felt angry but  _ I love you _ , so I kept quiet. I thought that if you were just using me you’ll probably break up with me soon. You didn’t. Instead you stayed with me, you did all these stupid things like buy me gifts, calm me down when I’m anxious, take me out to dinner… in the end I started wondering if perhaps you loved me after all. So when you broke up with me, it hurt more than I expected it to. But you know what hurts more?”

A tear rolled down Tsukishima’s face, breaking Kuroo’s heart even more. “The fact that after all this, I still love you.” 

“I’m an idiot,” he whispered, moving closer to the blonde. He cupped Tsukishima’s cheek, gently wiping the tear away with his thumb. “I’m an idiot and an asshole. I was being so selfish, unable to bear the guilt of lying to you that I decided to run away. I even managed to convince myself that this was the best for both of us, even though I can't imagine a future without you in it. So please,  _ Kei _ , would you forgive me?”

“You know, Yamaguchi’s going to be pretty pissed if I tell him that I got back together with you again.”

“I know. I’ll even let him beat me up - I deserve it.”

Tsukishima smiled slightly at that, and Kuroo returned the grin. 

“I love you, Kei.” Kuroo whispered. “You’ll forgive me?”

“Haah… I do. I love you too, Tetsurou.”


End file.
